I will not hide, but rather learn from Jonah’s fear.

The Lord is loud….He enjoys speaking through a microphone in my life. For a while, I tuned Him out… Not because I didn’t want to listen but instead because He wasn’t the loudest in my life. Whatever you are most focused on in life is what inevitably becomes the loudest. If what you are most focused on isn’t the Lord, suddenly He seems to become more distant because your focus has shifted and He no longer holds your attention. He lost my attention for awhile and my life was radically different. About two months ago, the Lord convicted my heart and urged me to evaluate my priorities and rid myself of all distractions. I listened with my ears, but not with my heart. Nothing changed and life remained the same. I had placed myself on His throne and was in no hurry to change it. At big weekend, (my church’s fellowship, sleepover, stay up late and talk about Jesus weekend.) the Lord began to tug on my heart again. While we were worshipping, He brought me to my knees. He caught my attention and wanted ALL of it. For the first time in a long time, I prayed in a different way. I opened my heart and told Him to break it. I needed for Him to break my heart from what was causing my love for Him to drift into other areas of my life. I prayed that He would rid my life of anything that was of greater importance than our relationship. He is my first love and I was neglecting Him in terms of value. I asked Him to tell me EXACTLY what was hurting Him in our walk together. Almost as clearly as if He had spoken aloud, I heard Him say, “You are Jonah.” The bluntness of His statement shocked me at first…But I quickly tried to dissect what seemed so simple. The Lord gave Jonah instruction…Instead of Jonah having a heart willing to fulfill God’s directions, he fearfully hid hoping to escape what he felt unequipped to achieve. Jonah was unable to move forward in his relationship with God until he was able to faithfully obey. He faced many more consequences than necessary due to his unwilling and calloused heart. Eventually, Jonah found himself on his knees asking the Lord to save Him and give him a willing heart. The Lord did so and Jonah carried out His will. In the long run, Jonah only created more hardships for himself by being unwilling and choosing his own way over God’s. I was quickly convicted… I was acting as Jonah had…I was hiding from the Lord’s will and living in my own. I spent a week in prayer and had to make adjustments in my own life that, needless to say, were not easy. I had to give up many things that were very dear to my heart. The Lord needs my undivided attention and my whole heart for a season. Although making adjustments has been THE hardest task I’ve ever had to do…I know the Lord has a plan! I find my strength in “the shadow of His wings” and know that HE is sovereign. I love the Lord and He is my shepherd. My very existence is owed to Him, who am I to disobey? Life is very difficult right now…But it is at times like these that my dependency on the Lord becomes even greater. Through this I am reminded that Life without Christ is not life at all. I live for Him and Him alone! Learning is tough and I would love prayer.

What a strange feeling….Growing up.

I’m a senior. My wonderful high school experience is coming to a close and I have only a year left to invest in my wonderful family until I leave…One year left living in my wonderful home, investing in my sister and brother’s lives, and fundamentally solidifying the foundation of my faith. I’m about to embark on the most exciting and challenging journey of my adolescent life. Quite frankly, I’m terrified. I’m afraid of losing contact with my close friends, I’m afraid for those who change, and I’m afraid to move out and miss out on my teenage siblings lives. They’re both about to enter high school…These chapters are chapters of molding for them both. I don’t want to miss a beat of this fast paced life. College will be a blast…. I pray that the Lord equips me for the battle that is now only around the corner. AH! What a strange feeling…Growing up. I can’t believe how fast highschool has flown. I feel like it was only yesterday that I walked into OCS as a naive little freshman. I thank God for the environment He blessed me with in high school. It has allowed me to establish who I am and decide who I want to be. I am so thankful for the life He has blessed me with. I have an incredible family who loves me, a wonderful home life, a great school, amazing friends, and my best friend (for three years) is now my boyfriend. : ) I love this life….and I only have a year left until it drastically changes. Change is wonderful..yet very frightening. I’m incredibly excited to start fresh and write another chapter of my life…. because throughout my journey I am promised that He will walk with me. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9  I have a wonderful guardian and for that reason alone, I take courage!

Worship. (a journal entry)

Father, worship is a time of complete transparency…a time of honesty…and even vulnerability. We are called to be saturated in your divine and unchanging love. Tonight at church, I felt your presence. Although You are always present…I felt as though I had entered your dwelling place. I was in your presence and brought to a place of realization that I often discount. When I enter your presence…The feeling…the energy is almost electrifying. I felt SO EMPOWERED tonight. I needed tonight! The worship was incredible…it was aparrent that I was not the only one who felt this way. The visual signs of humility and sincerity become so distinctly evident when worshipping! It is a way of outwardly expressing what is on your heart. I looked around and realized that although we are all so different…We all share a common mission. We are to let your remarkable glory resound! Your love covers us all.  Your love is unfathomable…and so great. Your love was made so evident simply by looking around at your children and their devout passion for You. What a refreshing reminder, Lord! We are to preform for an audience of one…Man will fail us…But you are UNFAILING. I was able to observe the hearts of many tonight…And  I was so blessed by what I observed.. As the wise C.S. Lewis once said,” God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.” and the even wiser David once said, “Honor and majesty surround HIM; Strength and joy fill His dwelling place.” (1 Chronicles 16:27) Thank you for tonight, Father. 6/9/10

There is such JOY and COMPLETION where He is!  His love SETS US FREE. My friends, I encourage you to find your place of true freedom. Whether that’s in journalling, prayer, worship…BE SET FREE. Be made complete! Find that place and linger….Become saturated and share the joy you find there with those around you! We are called to a life of purpose. Share your dwelling place and help bring those around you to freedom.

Time.

I become very pensive at night. My worries catch up with me and my mind tends to keep me awake. It is 12:34 and processing through my thoughts is the only way i’ll get any rest tonight. : )

Age is inevitable. There is no avoiding the natural progression of life…Time is no more than a fact of life. We are given the option to either make the most of the time we have been given…Or waste it and allow it to slip away.

I am now a senior in highschool. The feeling is so foreign to me…I am neither thrilled nor disappointed. I am confused. It seems like only yesterday that I was new to OCS. That was two and a half years ago. Where has the time gone? Time has certainly flown…I love being young. I love having a life full of opportunities ahead of me. Highschool is SUCH a blast… I love my friends. I love spending time with my family. I love the freedom that comes with being a “kid.” I wish I could just freeze time for a little while and continue to live in the highschool years. I love the “now.” “Now” is so full of life…so full of opportunities…so full of…Fun. What’s the use in wishing? It’s wasteful. I cannot afford to waste any more of the precious time I have been given. I cannot waste any of the time I have left investing in my family. I love my friends SO so much…I cannot imagine losing contact with those who I love. I won’t waste any more time! Although I enjoy change…I’m nervous to enter the new world that is college.  I have so many huge decisions ahead of me! College will affect four years of my life…and if I’m to meet the man I’m going to marry in college? It will affect the rest of my life. College will be a whole new battlefield. As a woman of God, I have been given the responsibility to be an example and a light to those around me….If I end up at OSU…I will be part of a school who’s foundation is not Christ. I have grown so accustomed to the polar opposite. My faith will be challenged and I will be faced with new trials. I’m nearing a new stage of life! Do I go through rush? I love being plugged in…and I love meeting new people…But that could become another distraction. I have SO many big decisions ahead of me…and only a year to make them. Don’t get me wrong…I’m so excited to be pushed out of my comfort zone and off in the real world! Being tested develops perseverance and is vital to our growth!  But at the same time I’m nervous to be on my own and scared to grow up….This year will be a time of growth for me. All of this to say…I am brought back to this verse:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

Whew. Goodnight. : )

An army of dry bones

I went on a Junior class retreat with my whole grade from Sunday-Tuesday…Ahh! Where do I even begin?  Honestly….The Lord set this time aside for me, personally to grow spiritually. He had such a purpose for the retreat! I was left in awe by the visual signs of growth. I couldn’t believe the transformation that I saw in some of my friends..One of my friends in particular truly caught me by suprise. She went on the retreat apathetic and unwilling to grasp the concept of hope in a better future….and left excited with a new mentality about God and those around her…It was INCREDIBLE. The Lord challenged me trust Him over the retreat…He shared with me that I am a sponge..I am full of voids and holes needing to be filled! I’ve tried for so long to fill my voids with friends, fun, and other temporary things…While none of my “fillers” were long lasting. Eventually, I am rung out  and left feeling empty… The Lord told me that if I allow myself to be immersed in HIS divine and everlasting love, I will be filled! His love is not only long lasting..But fulfilling! He is capable of filling every void and empty space if I would just let Him! He is a gentleman….And wanted nothing more than an invitation. I know that sounds cheesy and is  said so often…But when you have a true encounter and FEEL His love…It becomes real. It became real for me over the retreat. I can honestly say God is no longer just my creator..He is my best friend. I look forward to talking to Him and writing letters to Him in my journal! He has given me such an inward joy…I love knowing that my joy is of Him! I’m ready to be heard…I want people to have what I have! “..Your tongue is the pen of a skillful writer..” I love writing about my faith….It’s time that I applied this verse to my life and conquer my fear of man. I perform for an audience of ONE…And that ONE is my life long best friend.

Faces In The Crowd.

It is truly incredible how much you can see the visual signs of life…and how it has treated people by the look in their eyes and by the looks on people’s faces…Today, I went thrift store shopping at Goodwill to see if I could find a rain jacket…I’ve been there a couple of times before to find an old windbreaker for Homecoming week, and just to mess around with friends…. Because I went alone today and wasn’t distracted by friends…  I was able to take in my surroundings as well as the mannerisms of those around me. I saw a little girl with her extremely young mother…(18- early 20s)… They were both bent over looking over the mound of old beanie babies on the ground. The little girl was SO excited to get to take one home with her…After examining nearly every beanie baby in the pile she finally made up her mind and chose a small furry dog. She stood up, admired the little dog in her hands, hugged it, and then shot a toothless grin at her mom  who scrounged around in her purse for her wallet..The mother looked so emotionally tired…I could see her weariness by the look on her face . Just from a meager second of eye contact, I could tell life hadn’t been easy…But the way she treated her daughter spoke volumes to me.  Buying her daughter that toy wasn’t something she HAD to do…She felt inclined to do it simply for the sake of pleasing her daughter. Ah! That little girl seemed  completely content with her single $2.00 little beanie baby. When I find myself discontent regularly..Whether it’s about my friendships, my life or even my schoolwork… That little girl…Is content. I learned so much today…Simply by standing in line at the checkout counter and admiring the diversity…People come from all walks of life…We’re all different yet very..very similar.

Big Weekend 2010.

The result of signing up for Big Weekend the day before check in?  One of the most memorable weekends of my life. I had an incredible leader. At first, I was quite intimidated. She told us from the get-go that she was going to push us and get in our faces. She buried five friends in high school and was tired of hearing excuses. She refused to put up with them. She wouldn’t let us get away with staying silent…She had every intention of hearing every one of us speak. I LOVED IT. She grew up a pastor’s kid and had picked up on quite a bit of insight. Those 48 hours changed my perspective. I’ve never witnessed a relationship so intimate and personal. God is her best friend. He is involved and the center of every aspect of her life. She encouraged me so much! She encouraged us not to make God our number one priority..But instead our one through five. If God isn’t involved in everything that we do…He inevitably is denoted to number two. Things were really put in perspective for me this weekend. I asked her how she stays so consistent in her faith….I find that one of my largest difficulties is staying consistent. She gave me such a great analogy. Our relationship with God is like a tree.. if we’d just focus on planting the seed and allowing the tree to grow..We will produce fruits. If we just focus on the fruits without allowing the tree to grow…We’re missing the point altogether. I need to focus on allowing my tree to grow….and consistency will soon follow as one of my fruits. So often we replace the word consistent with the word boring. Rather than staying consistent we should focus on staying true. Cultivating our relationship with Him is vital. I saw things in a different light this weekend…I was supposed to be there!