As I have read about the life of Paul, I am appalled. There are few words that fully satisfy the emotions I have regarding this man’s incredible life. I am filled with feelings that I have never allowed to formulate until I read about the life and zealous spirit of Paul. His sense of assurance in the Spirit is absolutely humbling. His bravery and willingness to “go” regardless of what that entails leaves me nearly speechless. The insatiable desire he had to make the Gospel known to the nations and his unstoppable drive to cross any and all boundaries in order to make Jesus famous leaves me baffled and full of questions. It is because of my circular thoughts that I have decided to write a book on the incredulous life of the Apostle Paul.
I will be visiting my new hero and soon to be friend in a matter of hours. The only reason that I am capable of paying him a visit is because of some recent technological advancement that my next-door neighbor has so willingly allowed me to test out. A time machine will be my way of travel to the very household where Paul is being held under arrest. I have successfully time travelled and am sipping on some ice-cold well water beneath a tree in the middle of a busy town. I am writing in a journal that I was so fortunate to have remembered to bring as I am at a deficit for anything to trade for a mere sheet of paper. I am unsure of my exact whereabouts but know that I am somewhere in the center of Rome.
As I sit here anxiously listening to the sound of the sheep cooing and the cattle slowly “clopping” through the streets of Rome, I realize the depth of my nervousness. I am prone to often becoming nervous but due to the grandeur of the trip I’m about to embark upon to visit Paul while he is under house arrest, I believe my emotions are justified. It is in this exact moment that I realize that I should opt to channel my anxiousness into well-articulated questions to mask my timid state. I have so many questions for Paul. It is now time for me to embark on my journey to see him. Although we have never met, I feel as though we are old friends due to the knowledge base I have regarding his life. I have researched his every step and with every step, my admiration for him has grown greater.
There are so many “whos” “whats” “whens” and “whys” that linger and paint dark shadows in the colorful picture that I have crafted in my mind of his life. His life was a masterpiece. If the Kindom of God was a tapestry, I believe that Paul provided much of the fabric. I want to tell him that. I want to share with him the impact he has left upon the world for generations to come. I want to ask him of his letters. I want to know if we are interpreting them the way that he intended for them to be understood. I know that Paul had “plenty of opportunity to preach to Jews in his travels.” I want to know if these opportunities ever frightened him? Where did he derive such courage? I know his motivation was divine and he felt security in the Lord, but even at his strongest point, he is still human. Humans are prone to doubt and insecurities of all sorts, but Paul never expressed severe weakness.
He was “stoned on more than one occasion” and even “beaten five times with thirty-nine lashes.” I want to know what thoughts passed through his mind during physical setbacks and persecution. I wish to question where his strength and physical stamina came from for such persecution is extremely difficult to overcome. Did he ever struggle with an inner battle of abandonment or a fear of man? In addition to physical persecution, Paul also faces intellectual persecution. Hundreds of books have been developed regarding Paul’s claims and teachings. “His every word is put under the microscope of critical study.” I want to know how this added external pressure makes him feel about his life as a teacher. Is he satisfied with the impact he left on the world? Did he expect to leave this sort of legacy for the world to observe?
According to James D. Smith III, “Paul of Tarsus crossed all types of barriers to gain followers for Jesus of Nazareth.” I can hardly contain my Pandora box full of questions. I wish to know how Paul graduated from merely following Jesus to becoming a triumphant leader and leading so many people to Him. With his gaze locked on Christ, Paul broke boundaries, travelled the world and relied solely on Christ for direction. Paul walked with many other men of God but eventually the path of Paul narrowed and there was only room for he and the Lord. For example, Barnabus was another follower of Christ. As Paul and Barnabus walked together, spreading the Gospel and sharpening one another, eventually their paths diverged and “they parted ways.”
It seems that the people in Paul’s life were always changing and the Lord was the only constant because he was always travelling and even his surroundings were ever changing. I wish to know how Paul was able to remain motivated and driven to carry out his calling. Was it the “visions”, “dreams”, or divine experiences that spurred him on? For example, on Paul’s way to Damascus, Paul heard a voice call out to him, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” (text, p. 128) I would love to know what kind of impact this experience had on Paul. Did you feel threatened by this encounter or did he feel encouraged and inspired? Paul must have felt emotional opposition throughout his entire journey. There were rumors spread that his “conversion was a fake, a clever ruse to ferret out more members to put in jail.” These sorts of claims would be extremely difficult to overcome to a fragile human. I want to know how such rumors influenced the way he carried himself and the way he delivered his message.
Even when Paul was in prison, he continually evangelized and shared truth with those who visited him. His momentum seemed to always be accelerating, even when his faith was being tested. I want to know the content of the conversations he had with people while in prison and how he continued to feed himself spiritually while in such extreme environments. When Paul wrote to Titus and Timothy he compared his situation to a “drink offering.” Paul expressed that he felt like he was being “poured out” and that he had “fought the good fight” but had “kept the faith.” I want to know what this would look like in 2013. What does “keeping the faith” and “fighting the good fight” look like for a twenty year old woman on a college campus.
Paul often referred to his weaknesses as being “a thorn in the flesh.” I would love to ask him about this lifelong battle and what specifically the “thorn” he faces is. Paul had such drive, strength and integrity and I would love to discuss his struggles and what reminds him of his need and dependency on Christ. His approach to evangelism is empowering and also extremely humbling. I would love to discuss what prepared him for evangelism and how he became so radical for Jesus Christ. I would also love to ask him if he felt the nagging pull of spiritual warfare often in his journey.
The “sense of urgency” deposited within Paul pushed him to live a very nomadic lifestyle. He travelled often and only remained “long enough to help a new church get established.” This concept baffles me. Paul was such a man of intimacy, yet chose a lifestyle that only supported consistent intimacy with Jesus Christ. Paul had to have experienced monumental sacrifices in relationships because of this new lifestyle and nomadic state of being. I will be sure to ask Paul questions regarding the challenges he faced with this new lifestyle and the benefits he received from relying solely on Christ. I wonder what kinds of sacrifices he was required to make and how they influenced him throughout his journey.
As a young follower of Christ and confused amateur college student, I want to explore and sift through the bold thoughts and motives of Paul. He was unabashed when it came to speaking in front of large crowds of people and unreserved when it came to sharing his heart. There is no doubt in my mind that Paul’s labor was divine and his motives intertwined with those of Jesus Christ’s. I wish to learn from Paul during this interview. I wish to discover the ingredients of the spiritual well in which he seemed to always be drawing from. I wish to accomplish a full understanding of the motives, heart and soul of Paul in the efforts he made to further the Kingdom. I wish to clarify what allowed him to become radical and what sort of atonements and sacrifices were to be made. Lastly, I wish to delve into the heart and soul of Paul. I wish to sit down and look into his eyes as he tells me of hope and a future in glorifying Jesus Christ with my whole life. I can hardly wait to be in his presence as he disciples me for a mere couple of hours. Little does he know that those precious hours have the ability to mold me for the rest of my life. For the sake of my book as well as for preparation for my current battlefield in college, I wish to acquire knowledge and direction from one of the greatest men of all time. I am here. I have just arrived at the home in which Paul is under house arrest. It is in a matter of moments that my interview is about to begin. Wish me luck, friends. My cup is overflowing with excitement and my mind is overloaded with delightful questions for Paul, himself. It is here that we shall part until my book is published.
The Life of a Thoughtful Sheep 